I blame Brisbane for this. celtic_sky gave me the idea, then scribewraith encourage me to post it. Many thanks to scribewraith for the IM beta. :)

Jan 06

Nihil Obstat - Nothing Stands In The Way
by Genie

"Come on Colonel, I don't see what you have to be embarrassed about. Unless, of course, the whole P-90 wielding really is compensating for - "


"Just hurry up and strip!"

John fought the urge to bang his head against the jumper's control panel. Only they would be lucky enough to find themselves on a nudist planet. The first person they came across after parking the jumper almost fainted when he saw their clothes. Apparently, the Skowe (John had to paused for a moment to appreciate the irony that it was Ewoks spelled backwards) only wear clothes during the one-month of winter they experience every two years, and to don any clothing outside that time is of great insult to their God, The Great and Almighty Pe'o.

John was more than happy to turn the jumper around and head back to Atlantis, but nooo... the Skowe also happened to be the only planet in this god forsaken galaxy to have coffee! Naturally, not even a whole battalion of Wraith would be able to drag Rodney away once he'd gotten hold of that knowledge, what's a little public nudity in comparison? Of course, John would be willing to bet his last pack of Kit-Kat that Rodney never had a reoccurring dream of being chased by a deranged clown while naked. And where was he supposed to strap his 9mm to if he was naked?

"What are you still standing there for? Strip!"

"McKay, just hold on a minute." Rodney McKay, standing naked in front of him, was more than a little distracting.

"Coffee waits for no one, Colonel!"

"We'll be pretty much going in there unarmed. What if we're attacked? How are we supposed to defend ourselves? What if the Wraith turns up?"

"Ronon hid all his knives in his hair, should be enough to hold them off till we can get back here. The village is not that far from the jumper."

"It's half an hour's walk away! And as the military commander of Atlantis, this is a valid security concern!"

Rodney crossed his arms and huffed. It was a familiar pose, however the whole naked thing made everything seemed surreal. "Fine, call Major Lorne and he can take a jumper out here for back up, just in case anything happens."

"No." Communal showers back on Earth was one thing, this was... something else all together, something that was never covered in any handbook including the copy General O'Neill gave him that was specially written for SG1.

"Colonel, you don't seem to grasp the situation here. We're talking about the substance that holds the Galaxy together, the only thing that's keeping Atlantis from falling apart, the source of life!"

"Funny, I thought that was duct tape." One would think now that the Daedalus was making frequent trips back and forth from Earth and Atlantis, supplies would no longer be a problem. But nooo... Caldwell had to go pick up a Goa'uld hitchhiker and the subsequent attempt to modify the Asgard transporter to beam it out resulted in the entire primary circuit blowing up. It would take them months to get it fixed and in the meantime, they were running low on coffee.

"Fine, be that way. Just remember, you made me do this." Rodney narrowed his eyes at John then bellowed, "Ronon!"

The words 'Oh, shit' managed to run through his mind before a 250-pound naked Satedian was tackling him to the ground.

The End