Inspired by jayel_fox's drawing of Ronon as a spy. A cleaned up version of a comment fic posted in her LJ. Seriously, NOT my fault. *runs and hide*
Many thanks to kitkat3979 for the beta.
Disclaimers: Not mine, no money, don 't sue!
From Sateda With Love
The three of them were sitting around a table, waiting for Teyla to complete the negotiations, in what could only be described as a lavishly decorated ballroom with some of the finest food any of them had ever tasted. Rodney had thought that the savoury pancake-like thing they had for entree was like some sort of mini-pizza, only better. It was only the never heard before tone of fond remembrance coming from Ronon that jerked Rodney out of his food induced euphoria, and he almost dropped his fork when he heard what Ronon said.
"I thought you said you were a soldier?" John asked, puzzled.
"I am." Ronon replied.
"But... but you... table manners... you're..." Rodney still couldn't get his mind around what he'd just heard.
"An Observer, whenever my government is in need of one. Many places I was sent to infiltrate were similar to this." Ronon was looking around the hall, a smile on his usually serious face, strong hands (that Rodney had previously thought were incapable of anything but brute force) caressing the delicate crystal wine glasses they were being served with. "Food, women, dancing. They always have good food. A full stomach makes the getaway easier."
"So, you wine, dine, observe, dance, and run?" John was looking at Ronon like it was the first time he was seeing him.
Ronon nodded. "Frequently the enemy state would send out women Observers to try to distract me from my missions."
"Did they..." John trailed off, his question clear.
"They never succeed, but they do offer certain..." Ronon's smile grew wider, clearly proud of his record. "Makes up for all the times I've had to deal with some mad scientist. Wanting to eliminate the Wraith with biochemical weapons that would kill half the population."
Rodney's brain finally recovered enough from the shock to process the information. "Oh my god, you're Pegasus's 007!"
John groaned at the comparison. "McKay!"
"Is that the term you use on Earth for Observers?"
"No, it's not." John interrupted before Rodney could reply. "007 is the... uh... ID code of a character from a movie."
"A movie? The images you watch from the box?"
"No, that's television. A movie is kinda like that, only bigger though sometimes you – " John stopped his explanation when Ronon frowned. "Never mind."
"Then what is your term for Observers?"
"Spy! The term is 'spy'! And good god," Rodney grimaced, burying his face in his hands, his food long forgotten. "Conan turned James Bond, this is like Arnie in True Lies!"
"Arnie? True lies? How can lies be true?" Ronon's frown was getting deeper.
Rodney looked at John, and John looked right back at Rodney.
"Never mind." Was the stereo response to Ronon's question.
"You Earthlings are strange."